The romance of Valentine...

The romance of Valentine...

Valentine is a multibillion dollar industry. The Indians have been working overtime to meet with roses demand to ship it worldwide while the Chinese too working hard to produce the cards and little hearts teddies, all in the name of love. Even the environmentalist are making an exception to this event despite the carbon impact, trees chopped down and more dumping of j...unk in landfill.

The crooks are looking to profit from the lonely heart via online dating, they too have been working really hard for months to build the romance and today will be the day they'll get to cash in in, their free holiday and gifts and what not.

Well, some people I hope will DIY their gifts, and do different things not necessarily part take in this money making industry but yet to celebrate the day with people they love.

I can't help to wonder why not love and celebrate each other daily. Is Valentines day a love competition?

A day for woman to feel upset because Mrs. Jones got flowers and chocolate from Mr. Jones, but old John only brought flowers from the garden.

And poor man sweating over credit card bills for Christmas and new year, and now this? Silently thinking easy for her, she's buying gift using my money!

Okay, okay I'll give it rest, don't take it too seriously, I too used to celebrate it in my younger days until the day I realised I could seriously profit from this and so it lost its romance. Two of my good friends and I starts selling cookies. We had an advantage, we were in an all girls school but we share school bus with an all boys school. Before we know it we sold over 30,000 cookies alone. We then donated all the money to world life.

Anyway, I can't wait for tomorrow because I'm curios to see the impact recession have on this industry.

Will "love" triumph over money? Hmm I wonder...

 

-fida.i-

14 Feb 2013

Bluz (n.) in the "dark ages"

Bluz (n.) in the "dark ages"

My grandad ( Atok) is the best grandad one can ask for! His full of wise words and advice on how to be happy.

One of his best advice to me that I've carried for so long is never complain about the weather.... Because that was given to us by God, so we cherish it, make the best of it and enjoy it as much as we can.....these type of conversation normally takes place in... the evening, outside in the garden where will we sit on the swing and chat.

In Malaysia, the weather is always beautiful in this hour, gentle breeze will blow against the big Mambu tree ( big shady medicinal tree) planted next to the swing. The wind that blow through it carries with it the medicinal air like free aromatherapy.

Atok had a beautiful garden, which he planted all the local flowers among others pinkish and white Bougainvillaea, red and yellow Hibiscus, white Jasmine ( Melur) that aroma just floats in the air and red Ixora (Jejarum) which as a child I love sucking the nectar at the end of the flower, then thread it in to make an earring.

I've always been an obedient child if the advice was conveyed in the right way, my Atok have a knack for this.

So I never complain of the monsoon rain in Malaysia, the scorching heat @45C of Madinah desert or the rainy Ireland. My dad loves dancing in the rain ( literally) so when the shower is heavy we run and play in the rain. When it was scorching hot, I'd put on my fav very very dark sunglasses and walk down the street eating very cold ice cream. When it's raining in the summer in Ireland, I'll walk in the rain appreciating the clean and fresh air and who doesn't love the occasional warm summer rain.....

I love all weathers and I absolutely love the four seasons. And I wish that's the full stop there with no lurking " But"...,

But....now living here, I'm loosing my mind in this winter. I wish my atok was here. He'd to know the right thing to say when I have that moment of relapse and my "tapi tok......." protest.

No matter what I did to keep my spirits up, after one month of ice and snow I just want it to stop.

Worst, at times I stop noticing the beautiful scenery because I'm looking at the icy road..If you know me well enough, you'll know it ain't me.

I'm now a vitamin D pill popping woman who avoids all social activities in the winter.

This winter is sucking all the joy and energy out of me. It's exhausting!
Sweden is home to many people who loves it dearly, but most of them fly thousand of miles away to soak in some sunshine on the coast of Mediterranean, Africa or Asia sea to survived it.

Recently in a conversation with a swedish guy, who by the way was tanned from recently sunbathing on Thai sunny beach, commented "winter blues is why the commit suicide rate in the north of Sweden is higher than in the south".

If someday said that to me 3 months earlier, I would've laughed at the exaggeration. Never mind north or south, commit suicide due to winter depression is a horrid story!

Now that we are here...I'm thinking how am I going to ride out of this winter for another month and still keep my sanity.

 

-fida.i- written 23 January 2913.

 

 

 

It's only relative....

 

 

 

It's just relatives numbers... Here's on dates...

I often get asked about Islamic Calendar and why do Ramadhan ( fasting month) moves or changes every year and finally why don't I know the exact date to start and finish Ramadhan and when to celebrate Eid (1st Syawal)....

So here goes....

Each month of the Islamic Calendar officially begins when the lunar crescent is first seen after a new moon.... This is not always an exact time, especially if the skies are cloudy or overcast. I prefer to rely on an official announcement by Muslim authorities as to when each month begins.

There is 12 months, every month is meaningful, it's brings its own celebration or its own observation.

Muharram, Safar,Rabi' al-awwal, Rabi' al-thani, Jumada al-awwal, Jumada al-thani, Rajab, Sha'ban, Ramadan, Shawwal, Dhu al-Qi'dah, Dhu al-Hijjah

Current year is 1434 Hijrah, last 14th Nov was the new year (that changes too)

So since this calendar is based on lunar cycle, eventually the years will catch up and exceed the Gregorian Calendar, ohh in about 19k years or so :)

It's all relative......
My birthday is 8 / 5 / 1977 eqv to Sunday 19 Jumaada al-awal 1397 A.H. which means I'm 35 years old but 37 years old based on Hijra calendar. ( I was wondering why I felt wiser than 35 yrs old lol)

There are so many different calendars out there, almost every religion have their own. Tell me about yours......

 

-fida.i- written Dec 13,2012

Through my lens...

 

Through my lens...

Capturing is a breeze,
Set it free and let it be,
Express it with utmost sincerity,
Can you feel it...
...
Let it be even if broken,
It is meant to be unexpected
Ride along the little adventure,
Let the rising curiosity grows stronger.

Seek it not,
The mystery it's priceless,
You know It lies within you
It lingers all arounds you..

Even with eyed closed,
it will surprise you,
The key is yours, so go on..
Open your heart and mind..

And I tell you, you've seen the pink sunset, the red night and the bronze sky, even the tiniest snow flakes and the razor frost. Do you remember the winter sun and the bare forest, naked to flood it all with lights.

I walked on that oil paint and my heart sings. I see it, I see it, all around me...wow is that it too..in the smiling eyes of a friend.

I want to translate to you, can you feel it... I'm translating it to you..it's through my lens, feel my world.

~fida.i~

If I, will you?

If I, will you?

If I promise to walk with you,
Will you take my hand...
If I promise to stay with you,
Will you always love me...
... If promised to accept you,
Will you forgive my weaknesses...

~fida.i~

Ireland

Why I love Ireland and miss it dearly.....

1) You can spend hours chatting about meaningless things and enjoy the conversation...The Irish will share all sorts of info other than their private life.

2) Irish are the best story teller, there is always a story about " my brothers friend" or "somebody I know" ....it's always entertaining.

3) If you are bored in a Taxi, you can always wind up the ...taxi drivers by innocently asking "what's the taxi regulations in Ireland like?"

4) The Garda are mostly tall, dark and handsome ;)

5) They have the best carrots in the world..... Super sweet...

6) You can be silly after 8.30pm and nobody cares

7) Its okay if you are a little bit nosy....

8) You can answer most question with " ahh sure" , "well, you know" and "that's fair enough" and people will leave you alone...

9) You can say anything you like if you start with "with all due respect..."

10) You can swear anytime, anywhere and to almost anybody, it's not rude...

11) Some best advice "sure what can you do about it", " you'll be grand, just throw it in the wash" or "all you need is good old soap and water", "sure..one can only try"

12) You can talk to anyone if you start with "top of the morning to ye", "did you see the spittin' rain yesterday", "are you alright love?", " nice weather today"

13) People put in effort to find a common ground with you.. The most common one I get is... "You are from Malaysia? Do you know there is a Malaysian restaurant out on Baggot Street"

14) Be miserably lost if you ask for directions unless you know pub locations and walk as fast as the Irish. 5 min walk means 15 min for Malaysian time.

15) You don't have to answer when some ask you " how are you", you can just ask them back the same question.... No one cares for your life story, it's just politeness to start conversation...

16) People understand love and passion.

17) Strong family values and traditionalist at heart when it involved families.

18) You can get out of trouble by just keeping your heads down....

19) Weather forecast are there just because every other country have it, it doesn't give much useful information, other than Martin King congratulating people for their birthday

20) If you can take, you can give slagging...

21) You'll get away with any statement if you say " I'm only joking"

22) It's a very social and lively country... I love it!

Friendship

In virtue to confide, in justness and in sincerity. Let us be grateful to people who make us happy.

~fida.i~

My cursed instinct..

Sometime we are simply bonded by what we commonly love.
Instinct can haunt you in the most random way,
Yesterday, I thought of you only to hear about you today...

... I am annoyed at your secrecy
I don't understand your reasons
I prefer not to hear your excuses

I stand loyal in memory for the ones I've loved and lost.

~fida.i~

Fire

 

 

 

 

 

The fantasy, the illusion, the dream,
Leaving her breathless..
Spinning with excitement.
She has a rock...
Solid beautiful rock.
This temptation shall be her weakness...
... The warm embrace of merely illusions...
Her heart burning with desire,
In the end she knows she has no story to be told....
As she loses everything that she hold..
Like a moth simply will perish in the fire..

~fida.i~

The full circle - My story

Last October just as the end of autumn, I walked in the forest alone, looking for peace of mind among the tall nearing bare trees with floors covered with golden leaves.

My heart heavies and my eyes wells up as I thought about my dad and my brother. Before long I found myself sitting on a dead branch crying. Just among the trees, the earth and the little forest creat...ure, I cried for a long time. Then I saw a lady walking her dog, so I quickly wiped my face, straightened up and did a quick checked using my iPhone camera for anymore traces of tears. By the time the lady was closed to me, she didn't notice anything. She stopped to say hello and we just chat a little bit about random stuff and she went on her way.

But she then turned back and asked me if I'm alright? With confidence, i said yes. She said are you sure? My eyes starts to wells up again. She invited me to walk with her and tell her my story... And I did, we both stood there, not crying but tears was flowing out beyond our control. She too lost her dad recently. We stood the hugging and crying and promise to support each other in the way we knew how. She lit a candle for my dad and I sent a prayer for her pain to heal.

When I least expected, I found comfort in a stranger and now my good friend here in Sweden.

Today is march 22, 2013. I left early morning with Nabilah and we went for breakfast. We did the same yesterday morning. Yesterday I noticed an old man looking at me and the children talking and I felt him observing me as I tidied after Umaiza's mess, joked with the kids and messing about with camera.

I didn't know why, the Swedish may have the softest beautiful baby blue eyes but they give away nothing. The facial expression is always impartial and their dressing are always smart and in order. They are composed and in control. When they looked you, you feel they are judging you. I couldn't be more wrong with that conclusion!

This morning, the same old man, he is alone this time dropped his mug and he was shaking a little bit. I jumped up a little bit, so he apologised. I said its ok, are you alright? He said yes and left to get a different mug.

Few minutes later, he returned, stopped at my table... And for the first time I got see his face and eyes properly... There were something profoundly deep emotions in his eyes, I felt he was crying a river. As the seconds lagged, he eventually said he lost his wife a week ago. She was sick for a long time and now he is relieved for her but he can't seems to get it together for him. He's been clumsy since... His started shaking a little bit. I stood up and hugged him.
I helped him to his table.. Pick up the pen he dropped on the floor while doing his crossword puzzle. I told him what was told to me in the forest last October. It's will get better. I told him I know how it feels to lose the people you love. This man have families kids and grand kids, but if he is remotely as proud as I am, he will be worried about troubling his families more than his emotional pain, and will put up the pretence.

Anyway I left to send Nabilah to school...on the way back I found myself in pain, crying for this stranger.

Even as I told him it will get better and I told him that we will all die one day and I hope to be reunited with the people I love, I didn't tell him that in the meantime as the journey is unfolding that the intensity of how much you miss them grows. It doesn't get easier but it just gets familiar. I didn't tell him nobody in the world can comfort him but merely to just stand with him in the moment of loneliness and loss. Truth be told, the pain is solely his to bear, no matter how much he tries to share it or shake it off, its there and its constant.
Every time he miss her, his heart will be stabbed with the same pain he felt when found out he lost her.

Why am I telling you this? It's for the hope of humanity. Be a comforting friend even if they are stranger. Lend your hand when some fall. When you notice pain behind someone's eyes, pause to check. They may choose not to share it, but they will at least know you do care.

We are all humans, we are not perfect. We pray to god for comfort and he may send angles in different ways... Our act of kindness towards each other is the mysterious ways how it all works out in the end and so I believed.

~fida.i~